Hello.

Okay.

So todayyy, I woke up at 10.59 a.m.

Christine texted me asking if I was going to her house for lunch.

So I said yes.

She asked me to come at 11.30,

But I reached there at like 1 or something.

Whoops.

Anyway, I had soba at her house.

First time trying it.

And it is a.w.e.s.o.m.e. (:

Damn nice.

After eating, watched Grudge 2.

According to Crissie, it's supposed to be the second most scariest show,

But it wasn't scary.

Inmyopinion.

Then watched a bit of Final Destination then I left to go to Shernise's house for gymning! (:

Gymned a while only. Then I got thirsty.

So we went to 7-11.

Saw Jerome on the way there.

He was wearing the same shirt he wore for church camp!

HAHAHA.

He recognised me.

Probably because I hang out with Maegan a lot ;)

(Oh bytheway. Nothing much happened in camp. But it was really fun).

So went to 7-11,

Bought milo. Which tasted like coffee o.o

Haha. It tasted like a mocha.

Then played with this kitten.

Shernise named her Meowmeow!

HAHA.

She's damn cuteee!

And really smart too.

Then was about to go home but I saw my grandmother.

So went to her and then my aunt fetched me.

I went to my godma's house.

Then my mum fetched me from there.

Then I went to suntec to fetch my dad.

Then only I reached home.

And I was starving!

So long to go home.

So tired and hungry.

Now I feel like bathing.

I have geog lessons tomorrow.

But then I'm going to White Sands (:

Finally going out.

Nah, today's wasn't counted.

Coz I spent the whole day in people's houses and in the car :P

Only 7-11 and the gym.

Oh, well.

Anyway, I cant wait to finish Spirit Bound.

It's really nice so far.

But a bit draggy at some parts.

Okayyy, I shall go now.

Bye!

Love♥
Zeal.



Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.

Hello.

It's the same day as my previous post,

But I found this picture on tumblr.



I HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT!

HAHA.

Don't understand?

Okay then.

I'm not gonna tell you.

But it's pretty obvious :)

Bye.

Love♥
Zeal.



Smile through the pain, remember? Now I have to learn to mask my eyes as well.

Hello.

Okay, what should I blog abouttt.

Hm, okay, yesterday.

First went to school.

Then don't know what we did, forgot.

I know we went to the hall for something.

I think it was student leader thing.

My memory's messed up.

Haha.

I know we had to sit in the hall for a really long time!

It was so bleh.

Then had homeroom/classroom cleaning.

Then went to AVT for debate.

Our group went first!

It was funnn.

But sadly, I don't know the results coz had to go to 2/7 drama showcase,

With Amanda, Desiree, Ashley, Rene, Preetika, Natasha Tan and Rebecca is it?

I'm not sure.

But the showcase was so cool!

Li Yin's role looks so damn fun to play, man!

So awesome.

Then went home.

I was thinking of going to TM

To get my dad's present, but nah.

Too tired.

Should I go today?

But I'll have to go alone.

Hmm.

I'll see my mood, I guess (:

If I go, I'll get a caramel frappucino.

I miss those.

Okay, that's all (:

I'm gonna update Chrishernal so go check it out!

Bye!

P.S.;

I'm never gonna post anything about you anymore.

I know how people feel about you,

I know how you make me feel.

So from now on,

I'm not gonna make people read about you anymore.

SO EFF YOU!

(I'm sorry, that was from a song ;] )

Love♥
Zeal.



Yeah, but who said I can't try?

I miss you love,

I miss you loads.

I heart you love,

I heart you loads.

I wish you knew.

I wish you believed.

---

Hello.

Okay, I'm sorry for posting these,

But I just really had to get it out of me.

And the reason why I posted two (including this will be three)

Was because I haven't been blogging.

(It's a long story.)

Anyway,

So school ends tomorrow.

Finally.

You know what,

I feel that if I keep blogging, I'm gonna blog about things like my previous two posts.

So, just go check out:

www.chrishernal.blogspot.com

Thanks.

Bye.

Love♥
Zeal.



I feel like running away too. Take me with you.

It's true; people always leave. And sometimes, they take your heart along with them.

I hate watching people leave,

It brings me pain.

Especially when you left.

I swear, never have I been so hurt before.

Hurt and heart broken.

Greatly saddened.

And I'm sorry,

I really am,

For loving you,

But I can't help it!

I hope you understand.

Trust me, I have been trying to get over you.

I've been trying my absolute hardest.

But nothing's working.

Each time I try,

You just come back to my head stronger than before.

And so each time,

It just hurts me even more.

At one point,

I told myself it would be no use to try anymore.

Because the thought of you just hurts me more each time I try to forget you.

But now, I've decided that I have to keep trying.

Because I know you hate it that I love you.

So I'm trying.

But you're not making it easier for me.

EVERYDAY, I swear it's EVERYDAY,

I see something, hear something or smell something that reminds me of you.

Everyday.

You have no idea how hard it is for me.

And every time I do see, hear or smell (something that reminds me of) you,

I just feel like breaking down.

And it's hard to resist the urge of breaking down,

But I'm trying my best.

I wish you knew,

I wish so badly that you knew,

How hard I'm trying.

Maybe then you wouldn't hate me.

Maybe then you'd forgive me.

But what does it matter?

You left and you're not coming back.

I wonder why.

And it's unbearable.

It's unbearable, this pain.

I can literally feel a dull ache in my chest,

Like something's wrong with my heart.

Maybe there really is something wrong with it,

But I think it's because of you,

I don't know,

That's what I feel.

I think it's because you left.

Now,

ALL I dream about, is you.

Well, at least once a night.

How do I know?

Because I can always remember them.

I can always remember the dreams I dreamt of you.

And even beyond that,

I feel that there are certain dreams I don't remember,

But I know you're in some of them, too.

Why do I dream of you all the time?

I'm confused,

I'm hurt,

And I'm heart broken.

Because of you.

Because I loved you.

I still do.

I hate this.

I hate it so freaking much.

And I hate myself for falling for you,

For breaking the promise I made to myself,

The one I tried so hard to keep.

And broke, in the end.

All my thoughts of you,

Locked up inside of me.

I want to talk to you.

I want to talk about you to people.

But no one wants to talk about you, I think.

Who would want to listen to my awful love life?

And you have absolutely no idea how hard it is,

To keep a straight face in front of everyone.

You have absolutely no idea how hard it is,

To have to laugh and smile in front of everyone,

While I'm fucking dying inside.

But I guess that's just how it has to be.

I can't make other people suffer because of me,

Because I love you.

That would be just mean.

So I lock everything up inside of me.

My heart is probably bursting now.

Maybe that's why it's so painful.

I love you.

I'll love you forever.

Love♥
Zeal.



I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby but you're still with me in my dreams and tonight, it's only you and me.

It's the special time of the day,

The time when people make wishes.

And for the first time,

I didn't wish for you.

For the first time,

I prayed.

Really prayed.

Never have I prayed for anything so hard before.

And I didn't pray for you.

I thanked God for you.

As crazy as it might sound,

I don't want you anymore.

It's not that I don't love you anymore.

I just don't want you.

This is why :

I realised how selfish I've been.

I keep wishing and praying to God for you,

But I haven't thanked God.

So I prayed,

I thanked him that he brought you into my life.

I know I don't deserve you,

Not one bit.

Because surely someone as good as you shouldn't have come into the life of someone like me,

Even if you did leave.

So from today,

I'm not gonna wish for you anymore.

Instead, at that special time of the day,

I'm going to thank God.

Thank God for bringing you into my life,

Even if you did leave.

I love you.

I never will stop, will I?

I hope I do.

Because I know you don't like it.

I know you don't like the fact that I love you.

I'm sorry.

Love♥
Zeal.



At these thoughts, I cry to myself everyday.

The song that relates to my life extremely well right now.

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me, yeah

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh yeah yeah

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love, whoa

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me, yeah oh yeah oh

Here Without You - 3 Doors Down

Also my current favourite song.

Love♥
Zeal.

It was much much much worse today.

Almost unbearable.

I almost couldn't control it.

Don't ruin my day tomorrow, please.

Love♥
Zeal.

Hello.

Blogging through my touch, so won't have any picture :)

Angel, angel;
That's all I can think.
Because that's what I think you are.
And you're all I think about.

Angel, angel;
Are you one, really?
But if so,
How could an angel break my heart?

Angel, angel;
Angels are pure-hearted.
They don't bring pain and tears,
They bring happiness and laughter.

Angel, angel;
That, is also what you've brought me.
The good things you've done for me,
Vanquish the pain.

Angel, angel;
What am I to believe?
You've walked out of my life,
Just when I needed you most.

Angel, angel;
It is you, however, that brought this time upon me.
It is you that dealt this severe blow,
The hardest one in my life.

Angel, angel;
You think I'm a foolish little girl.
But you're wrong.
Because it is you who taught my heart.

Angel, angel;
It is you who taught me.
It is you who touched my heart and left.
It is you who whispered into my soul.

Angel, angel;
Are you one, really?
Because you treat certain people differently, me included.
But you're mean to te rest.

Angel, angel;
You've played games with my heart.
You've made me believe.
You took my breath away, all for nothing.

Because angel,
You've never loved me.
And angel,
You never will.

But it doesn't matter.
Because it will forever be unrequited love for me.
And it will always mean nothing at all to you.
But I still love you and I can't get over it.

Love♥
Zeal.

Hello.

There's no school today! (:

But I'm not going out, so it doesn't really make a difference :(

Well, at least I could sleep in.

Haha.

Hm, should I watch The Last Song on Tuesday?

I don't know yet.

Because I have to go out on Wednesday to collect my lenses, so.

Oh, well.

I'll see who else goes.

I'mma go update Chrishernal now :)

Go check it out, please!

www.chrishernal.blogspot.com

Thanks a LOT! :D

Bye.

Love♥
Zeal.



You're in every single dream I dream. Whether just your name is mentioned or you play a huge part in it, you're always there. You never really left. But you did physically, and it destroyed me.

Hello.

Hm, I don't know what to talk about.

I'm too lazy to blog about yesterday's outing.

Which was awesome bytheway ;)

Today had LC, which was quite hard.

After that, went to prata shop then went to V Chan's house.

Thennn, slacked.

Came back home.

Now I'm bored.

I'm writing, but I have a writer's block so I stopped.

I'll probably write some more after this, though.

Haha.

Oh, bytheway.

Go check out www.chrishernal.blogspot.com

:)

It's updated!

Yeah.

I'll go now.

Byeee.

Love♥
Zeal.



"...Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight..." - I Miss You ; Blink 182

Every little thing I see or do reminds me of you. I miss you, love. I miss you loads.

Hello.

So, I finished reading City of Glass yesterday and it's hecking awesome.

And here's my cast for the Mortal Instruments series :)

Clary Fray/Fairchild/Morgernstern : Emma Roberts





Theme song for Clary : All Around Me - Flyleaf

Simon Lewis : Kristopher Turner

As a human



As a vampire





Theme song for Simon : Risque - Cute is what we aim for

Jace Wayland/Lightwood/Morgernstern or whatever you wanna call him! (TOTAL HOTNESS) : Alex Pettyfer





Theme song for Jace : Animal I Have Become - Three Days Grace (This suits him so well, damn. Go listen to it. Haha. Then you'll know what he's like)

Isabelle Lightwood : Odette Yustman





Theme song for Izzy : The Wreckoning - Boomkat (HAHA. I hate this song, but yeah, suits her)

Alec Lightwood : Gaspard Ulliel





Theme song for Alec : Hmm, not sure, but I think In Too Deep - Sum 41 suits him.

Lucian Graymark : Michael Shanks





Jocelyn Fairchild : Famke Janssen (But must have red hair!)





Raphael : Ricardo Abarca





Magnus Bane : Oliver James (Though if he's a bit older, would be better)





Hodge : Ewan McGregor





Sebastian Morgernstern : Garrett Hedlund

As a blonde (Well, he's supposed to be very blonde, but whatever)



As dark-haired (Yeah, he's supposed to have REALLY dark hair, but whatever. Haha)



Valentine Morgernstern : Daniel Craig





Heehee, yup, that's my cast :)

I'm not that satisfied with my Valentine.

And I don't know who I should pick for Maia and Aline.

Oh, the theme songs were only for the main ones :)

Go listen to the songs!

Haha. Oh, except for The Wreckoning (Izzy's one)

That song sucks.

But it totally suits her.

I have a load of theme songs for Clary but I think All Around Me suits her most.

Jace's totally suits him!

Jace is oh, so hot ;)

Okay, bye!

Love♥
Zeal.



Clary and Jace - Love they thought was forbidden

Hello.

Today was geography.

Aaaaand, it was quite easy.

But I don't know,

I thought math paper 2 wasn't as hard as I thought,

But I still think I'm gonna fail/not do well.

Yeah.

I'm going now.

Bye.

Love♥
Zeal.



I wish for you every time.

Time : 11.11 a.m.

I'm wishing for you so hard my head hurts.

Do you know why I reacted like that that day?

It's because I thought you left.

I thought you were never coming back.

I thought that I would never see you,

Or hear you,

Or smell you ever again.

But then I unexpectedly saw you,

And I was so happy.

The happiest I've ever been,

In my entire life.

And when I heard that you were coming back after some time,

I thought "Alright, I'll wait...

As long as I get to see you again."

And I was happy.

Happy that that wasn't the last time I'd ever see you.

But today when I heard that you aren't coming back...

I could swear my heart broke.

I could swear that I've never wanted to kill myself before until now.

But no, that's still something I'll never ever do.

But why do you have to go?!

Tell me.

Why.

Your last words to me were "See you".

Guess you're not.

We're not going to see each other again.

Because you're leaving and you're not coming back.

And you just left me here,

Drowning in my own tears and self-pity.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I'm so stupid.

Stupid for ever loving you in the first place.

I still remember that stupid promise I made when I first saw you.

You made me break it.

No, I broke it myself. It's not you. It's me.

It's always me.

Always me who ends up getting hurt.

Why is it always me?

And you're just gonna leave happily,

Leave to the place where you like to be.

At least come back to visit.

I'm not looking forward to time passing anymore.

I did when I heard that you were coming back.

But what happened?

Why aren't you coming back anymore?

Stupid life of mine.

Nothing goes right.

Nothing ever will.

Love (with a broken) ♥
Zeal.



And now I'm smiling through the pain. I have to pretend that everything's fine when I'm DYING inside. I have to glue my heart together so no one will be able to tell that's something's VERY wrong with me. I have to smile through the pain and pretend that my broken heart is strong and healthy. When it's not. When it's turning black. Goodbye. You're not gonna keep your promise. You didn't say a last goodbye. I think you hate me. Maybe you find me annoying. At least I kept that part of the stupid promise I made. The stupid promise, the one I broke at least half of. Goodbye forever.

Hello.

Heehee, I feel good today.

First part of the day, not that good.

But since 6, I've been feeling really happy :)

I don't know why, but I do.

Maybe it's coz it's Friday.

TGIF!

Haha, I'm lazy to blog.

I feel like singing and dancing.

What's wrong with me?

But oh well, it's a good feeling.

I just feel like smiling :)

HAHA.

By the way, I'm gonna try learning the guitar again.

I've got a list of things to do after the exams.

And June hols is coming up so yay~!

Okay, I'm going now.

Think my bro want to use the com.

Buh-byeee!

Love♥
Zeal.

P.S. I guess "see you" were still your last words to me. It's your last day and I didn't get to talk to you at all. I don't even think you saw me. Fate wasn't with me today, oh well. Guess I'll just have to wait. Please come back. Keep your word.



Lazy clouds floating pass blue skies. Ah, summer. Summer winds, summer songs, summer sun, summer love

Hello.

History today was quite okay :)

Just a few I didn't know how to answer.

I don't think I'll score high, though.

I'm not even sure if I'll pass :\

Well, at least I finished the paper.

It's the first time ever that I finished a History paper.

Bloody hell.

I feel like crying.

I haven't studied the whole day.

FIRETRUCK.

I don't know, I just can't concentrate today.

Like even during the History paper I started daydreaming.

Argh. So pissed at myself.

Plus, I have a freaking headache.

How to study later?

God, help me! :(

I feel really guilty now.

Damn.

I'm just gonna pray that I'll pass.

Please, just let me PASS.

I'm gonna fail math already, that's confirmed.

So just please let me pass malay.

Amen.

K, goodbye.

Love♥
Zeal.



Just stay strong coz you know you'll make it through

Hello.

Quick post.

Yesterday, woke up at 6 a.m.

To study. And I slept at 12 the night before. Ugh.

So woke up at 6 a.m., studied till 11.30 a.m.

Then went to Xtine's house for lunch then went Down Town East then went East Point.

Made class tee.

Something happened between us and some ITE guys.

Haha. It's so weirddd!

And kinda gross, like, okayyy... Ugh.

Anyway, then went home, studied.

Studied studied studied.

For 4 hours.

Then had dinner, studied for 2 more hours after that.

Then went to sleep.

In total, I studied for 11 and a half hours.

God.

Well, at least it paid off.

Science paper today was quite easy.

QUITE.

English on Friday was also quite okay! :)

It's a good start.

I'm hoping it'll last throughout.

I doubt it, though.

Math is gonna be HARD.

Crap. I'm gonna die.

For math and malay.

But oh, well.

I'm gonna see what happens.

History's tomorrow, so I'm gonna study like crap later.

My study marathon starts at 2 :)

I'm gonna study from 2 to 7, no breaks!

Hopefully I really do.

I think I will.

I said I'd study science for 5 and a half hours without any breaks and I did.

History's important so I think I will actually do it.

Okay, bye.

Love♥
Zeal.

You left and there is a possibility that you might not be coming back. You left without a proper goodbye. Your last words to me were "See you". I hope you make that happen. Let me see you again. Come back. Please.



I never thought it was worth it, you know waiting for your love, and then I felt your kiss, I could wait forever for this

(Change kiss to touch. Haha)