26. A time when you hurt someone’s feelings but don’t regret it.

Hmm... I don't think there is a time like that. I can't remember not regretting hurting anyone.

27. List 5 things you want to do in your life.

1. Find true love.
2. See the Northern Lights.
3. Go to Paris; the Eiffel Tower.
4. Own a horse.
5. Go to all my favourite bands/singers concerts!

28. Your most prized possesion and why.

My diary. Because there are so many memories and everything in it. It's basically my life, though sadly not since I was born. Still, though. So many of my thoughts are in there, so yeah.

29. A place where you feel most comfortable. A person you feel most comfortable with.

A place I feel most comfortable would be in a field, lying on a chair, alone and staring at the stars. Trust me, the feeling is incredible. It's like, it's just you but you don't even feel alone. And all you do is think. You even think of the bad things, but for some reason, it doesn't feel the same way as it does when you think of the bad things in bed at night. Under the stars, everything just feels better, calmer.

A person I feel most comfortable with is myself, because truth is, everyone judges you no matter what. Whether or not they tell everyone or keep it to themselves, everyone judges and I can't stand judgement. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to keep everything to yourself, where the only person who can judge you is yourself.

30. Who are you? When are you you? When are you not you?

I am someone you try to figure out for yourselves. I won't tell you. I give a lot of hints, though, through my writing and my blogging and tumblring, but it's up to you to notice the little things. I am me when I am alone, by myself. Or when I'm with animals. There are four people also, whom I feel like myself when I'm around them. I am not me when I'm with everybody else (aside from the four people, that is). I am not me when I'm with my parents, when I'm with most of my friends. Only those four people am I myself.

Love♥
Zeal.



Read between the lines, look past the surface. Because everything is never as it seems.

21. Something you’re ashamed of.

I can't say because I don't want the whole world to know, but it's the thing that I'm a hypocrite for.

22. Something you’re proud of.

Right now? Not much. The only thing I can think of is my grades. OH, but I have fulfilled my resolution for today :) "Even if it breaks your heart, you're not going to tell him", was what I told myself. And yes, it broke my heart, but no, I didn't tell him :)

23. What is your passion? How did it become so?

Writing, although I'm not a very good writer. It just feels much easier to express myself through writing from another person's point of view.

24. Tell us about the first time you fell in love.

How do you ever know if it's love, hmm? This one feels like it, but it just feels weird to say that I'm in love, y'know?

25. Are you a rebel or do you like going with the flow? Why?

I'm in the middle. More of the going with the flow coz I don't want to complicate things and all, so yeah. But I do sometimes speak up if I really don't wanna.

Love♥
Zeal.



Coz you're too good to be true. But now I know that this is real because time has ran out and whatever happens, happens.

16. What is your biggest fear right now?

Well..., I have a few. All my fears are really personal, but I've made a resolution not to keep so many of my secrets to myself now anymore. So, here goes. Don't judge.

Firstly, only recently, I have been afraid. Of. Myself. Because, I don't know, it just feels like I don't really have any control over me anymore. I don't feel sad now, I just feel so fucking angry when I'm supposed to feel sad! I mean, when I watch shows or something, I feel sad. I cry. But that's coz I'm on my period. And whenever it comes to my parents, I keep picturing violence. Like, I just keep having these urges to throw something, anything, at the back of their heads. Hard. And I have to pierce myself with my nails or bite my lips real hard to keep it under control. It scares me, coz I don't know what's wrong with me. I get so angry over nothing much. And it's even when it comes to my friends, but I don't picture violence with them, I just feel annoyed. But I keep telling myself it's not me, there's no reason to feel angry, so I'm still able to keep it in check. There are some people, though, who calm me. So I guess it's kind of alright?

Another fear is that (and this may sound really stupid, but it scares me okay,) I could turn bulimic any time soon. Coz nowadays, I hate eating. I try not to eat. And every single time after I eat, I feel like throwing up. I just feel like I have to be rid of everything inside me. I just feel so full even if I barely ate. Then there was once I came so close to it, but I didn't, obviously. Because it's not me. It's not what I do and it's not who I am. So yeah. I just hope I can control it coz it feels like I'm losing control over a lot of things (call me dramatic if you want but it's true).

And the last fear (like for right now), is probably the stupidest one. It's so stupid I hate myself for being scared! I'm such an idiot. It's the fear of losing someone you never had. From that, I think you can guess. Idiot. I'm such an idiot.

Like I said, don't judge me. Or judge if you want, just keep it to yourself coz I don't need anyone's crap right now. And don't help me, don't try to help me. I don't wanna talk about this. I don't even know why I'm posting this. It's the first time I've ever said something so ... well, personal. I hope I don't regret posting this!

17. Your favorite childhood memory.

I don't think I really have a favourite childhood memory because I can't remember much. All I can remember are the times I've cried and all. But I do remember Christmas times. So I think my favourite childhood memories would be all the times I woke up in the morning, finding a present from "Santa Claus". Haha, I'd get so so happy, man. Sigh, I miss those times. :\

18. If you were going to have 10 kids, 5 girls, 5 boys, what would their names be? (first or full names)

I like this question! :)

Girls:

1. Ashlynn Sierra.
2. Kaelin Alexandria.
3. Rose Vierra.
4. Isadora Mae.
5. Evangeline Juliette.

Boys:

1. Draven Matthew.
2. Azriel.
3. Ryan Christopher.
4. Adrian Xavier.
5. Zachary Evans.

19. Have you ever ran away? If not, would you?

Nope, I never have. And I may. Maybe.

20. If you could have a world of your own, what would it be like? Who would be there? What would you do there?

What would it be like? It'd be the world I've created in my head. It's basically pretty much the same, except there is no hate, racism, sexism or anything like that. Everyone would support gay rights because love is love. Oh, and there would be no periods. And giving birth wouldn't need to hurt. And chocolate and junk food were healthy and no one would care if you were fat or skinny. Everyone would be there, I don't want anyone to get lonely. Except there would be no wars and enemies. We would all be able to accept one another for who we all are. And also, everyone would have a soul mate. Of course, there would still be a little bit of drama, coz if not what fun would there be in life right?

Love♥
Zeal.



You know my name, not my story. Don't for a second ever think that you know me.

11. You’re locked in a big closet with 3 people, who are they, how did you get locked in the closet, and what are you doing?

Oh wow. Hmmm... They would probably be Lucy, Peter and Susan. HAHA. We got locked in coz we were trying to find Narniaaaaaaa! Unfortunately, though, we got stuck in the wrong cupboard! Whoops.

12. Choose a song that sums up the year you’ve been having so far.

This year... I'm not sure, it really depends. I can't judge based on the whole year, but I can state the categories.
If it's for love, then the song would be : Just A Dream - Nelly.
If it's for friendship : Save You - Simple Plan.
If it's for family : Perfect - Hedley.
Oh, but I think I know one song : Knock You Down - Keri Hilson. That sums up part of it.

And the songs I will never forget for this year are : OMG - Usher, Love The Way You Lie - Eminem feat. Rihanna and Perfect Two - Auburn. Because of the singing in class and everywhere!

13. If you ever ended up in jail, what crime would you have most likely committed?

Shoplifting, probably. That's the worst thing I think I would do. Not that I'd do it, of course.

14. Your life story in three words.

Three not consecutive words : Empty, Boring, Unsatisfying.
Three consecutive words : I could die.

15. A prank you’ve pulled on someone and a prank someone’s pulled on you. What were your feelings and thoughts through out each. Have your feelings and thoughts changed?

A prank I pulled on someone : Prank call? Haha, it was so funny, especially the gossip girl one. No, my feelings and thoughts haven't changed coz nothing drastic happened, so.

A prank someone's pulled on me : There are many, but none of them changed me either because a prank is a prank. Even if it gets out of hand (and they have, many times), I know the pranker meant well, so yeah. People make mistakes right?

Love♥
Zeal.



I just want to feel alive.

6. Write a letter to the person you’re closest to.

The person I'm closest to? He doesn't need a letter. He already knows everything, even though I never said much to him. I haven't been talking to him lately. I'm sorry. I owe you my life, and I'm sorry I've been neglecting you lately.

7. What was on your last shopping list?

Right now, it's :

1. A mask.

2. A pretty dress. (Like the one from VD season 2 episode 7, Elena's black dress)

For Halloween :)

8. If you could have anyone next to you right now, who would it be and why?

Ahh, who else? :)

9. How do you feel about yourself?

This, is a very good question. Well, firstly, I think I'm a hypocrite. For reasons I can't state. But lets just say, I tell people not to do things coz it's bad for them but I do it myself. But I can't freaking help it. It's not something I can control, not really. Secondly, I think that I'm scared. Terrified. A lot of things. Angry and pissed, but not sad.

10. How do you react if the person next to you is crying?

It's my sister. And she wouldn't start crying out of nowhere, so. Hahaha.

Love♥
Zeal.



Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

1. Why are you doing this challenge?

I'm doing this, because I want to actually successfully complete one of these.

2. List ten people who you would die for.

There isn't 10. I would die only for my closest family (that's 6), my best friend, and the boy I love, as stupid and foolish and naive as that may sound.

3. Is the truth always good to hear? Why or why not?

Definitely. I'm the kind of person who somehow, somewhat always knows the truth. It's just about whether or not I accept it. Like they say, the truth hurts and ignorance is bliss. But lying to yourself won't get you anywhere. And after a while, you're gonna have to face reality and stop the false pretense.

4. Words you live by. Why do you like them?

"I love you." Why? Coz in those three words, you can hear everything. There is hope in the words, there is comfort. It takes away the emptiness you feel within yourself. You don't feel worthless, you don't feel unwanted. You don't feel like killing yourself. Those words give life its meaning. You die only when you learn to love. Without "I love you", there is no meaning to anything anymore.

5. Write a letter to someone you’ve never met.

Dear stranger/whoever is reading this.

I want you to know, that you are beautiful, strong, and there is hope. No matter what you may be going through right now, please do not give up. There are so many people who love you. You're not unloved, nor are you unwanted. Someone will be miserable if you killed yourself. People get angry, people get upset, people make mistakes. So what? Are you gonna let that get in the way of your life? Think about it. No matter how important that person may be to you, if he/she really cared, things will get better again. If not, then find someone else. Someone worthy of you. Someone who cares and loves you for who you are. Remember, life is difficult. And when you're not tough enough, at least pretend to be.

Love♥
Zeal.



Just stay strong, coz you know we'll make it through.

30 day challenge

1. Why are you doing this challenge?
2. List ten people who you would die for.
3. Is the truth always good to hear? Why or why not?
4. Words you live by. Why do you like them?
5. Write a letter to someone you’ve never met.
6. Write a letter to the person you’re closest to.
7. What was on your last shopping list?
8. If you could have anyone next to you right now, who would it be and why?
9. How do you feel about yourself?
10. How do you react if the person next to you is crying?
11. You’re locked in a big closet with 3 people, who are they, how did you get locked in the closet, and what are you doing?
12. Choose a song that sums up the year you’ve been having so far.
13. If you ever ended up in jail, what crime would you have most likely committed?
14. Your life story in three words.
15. A prank you’ve pulled on someone and a prank someone’s pulled on you. What were your feelings and thoughts through out each. Have your feelings and thoughts changed?
16. What is your biggest fear right now?
17. Your favorite childhood memory.
18. If you were going to have 10 kids, 5 girls, 5 boys, what would their names be? (first or full names)
19. Have you ever ran away? If not, would you?
20. If you could have a world of your own, what would it be like? Who would be there? What would you do there?
21. Something you’re ashamed of.
22. Something you’re proud of.
23. What is your passion? How did it become so?
24. Tell us about the first time you fell in love.
25. Are you a rebel or do you like going with the flow? Why?
26. A time when you hurt someone’s feelings but don’t regret it.
27. List 5 things you want to do in your life.
28. Your most prized possesion and why.
29. A place where you feel most comfortable. A person you feel most comfortable with.
30. Who are you? When are you you? When are you not you?

Love♥
Zeal.



I'll complete it this time.

Can't stop thinking about December nowadays.

Don't know why.

It's probably coz of the dreams.

And I might not have as much time as I thought.

Few more days only.

Maybe. I hope not. I reallyreallyreally hope not.

But I think it's probably gonna happen.

Just a few more days.

I wanted to say effing hell, then when I typed it out, fucking is actually a real word.

Like they didn't underline it red.

Hahaha. <-- That was underlined.

Anyway, Halloween is coming up soon!

I can't wait!

Heehee, it's gonna be awesome!

Oh, and I'm addicted to Vampire Diaries again!

Too bad Stefan and Damon aren't hot.

But I got used to it.

Damon's personality is sexy, so it doesn't really matter bout his looks. HAHA.

Stefan is sweet, so yeah :)

And Elena is so bloody pretty.

Katherine is... whoa.

When the girl is playing Elena, she looks so innocent and sweet!

But when she's playing Katherine, she's like this sexy badass bitch.

So cool. So lucky.

Alright, byeee!

Love♥
Zeal.



The picture relates so well right now, it's scary.

(Click to enlarge)

Soon this will only be a memory.

Pictures I love so bloody much and I have no idea why :







I lovelovelove these pictures so much and I don't know why.

I can't stop looking at them.

Love♥
Zeal.

By the way, you were in my dreams again.

THISTHISTHIS.

Love♥
Zeal.

I wish you knew. I really really wish you knew.

Hello!

EXAMS ARE LIKE, FINALLY OVER?!?!

Heheheheheheheh. I am a happy girl :)

Okay, so I don't wanna blog about exams, coz that would be kinda bleh.

I'm going out again later with Shernise, Ashley, Amanda, Syafiqah, Sherlyn and Steph Low! :)

Gonna watch The Other Guys!

They said it's reallyreally funneh.

So I can't wait! :)

I have 3 more hours before I have to leave the house.

Alright, blog later or tmr or smth! :D

Bye! :)

Love♥
Zeal.



Yes, I'm dreaming.

Less than 9 days left.

LAST DAY OF EXAMS TOMORROW, OMG.

Can't freaking wait.

But. I haven't started studying.

I'm so freaking dead.

I'm not absorbing anything, urgh :(

Shit man.

Okay. Oh well.

I'll just pray that the paper's gonna be easy!!

If not, I'm seriously screwed.

I've been trying to study but nothing's going into my head.

Kay lah.

Back to my attempts.

Byeee.

Love♥
Zeal.



I'm a free bitch, baby.

Hello.

So today was very interesting.

Erm, I realised that firstly, many people feel the same way I do.

Secondly, no one is ever alone.

Lastly, well, he's just as big as an asshole, yet not as big as an asshole as I thought. If that made any sense.

Kay. Today was bloody awesomeee :)

Here are some pictures! :D







































Heehee, so many pictures! And these are just a FEW!

Pohyi's phone camera effects are so fuh-reaking awesome!

Kaykay, bye! :)

Love♥
Zeal.

Thank you for telling me all I needed to hear.

I absolutely ADORE this so much.



So fucking beautiful.

Love♥
Zeal.

The euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love. Forelsket.

So our finals have started.

Monday was English which was quite okay! :)

Then yesterday was literature which was alright I guess, but I answered a question a bit wrongly I think.

And history today was (Y).

All my hardcore memorizing paid off!

Tomorrow's malay and I can't remember the peribahasa. UGH.

I hate malay :((

Seriouslyyy.

So I can't wait till exams end.

School ends on October 29th! :)

But erm, it's not THAT good.

So yeah.

Erm, okay. So anyway, I think I should get back to revising.

Although it's not really working.

Shit man. I'm already out of exam mood.

And that is NOT good because there is math on friday!

And I HAVE to do well for math.

HAVE TO.

If not, I'm dead.

LITERALLY. Okay well no, but yeah. You geddit. Pssht.

Right, so back to revising.

Okay!

I. Can. Do. This. :)

Love♥
Zeal.





Do I make you happy? Because today was certainly interesting although I only saw you for a short while. Every moment really counts.

Now that I have a new diary, I really wonder what I'm going to blog about.

I can't remember blogging bout anything else besides him and my day.

But I don't wanna blog about my days now, coz I think it's boring.

My life is so mundane.

And well, there's no way I'm going to blog about him anymore,

So what am I supposed to blog about?

Hahaha.

Oh well.

Kay, so anyway, I'm done studying history, geography and literature.

So I only have science, math and malay left, but there's no notes to make for malay.

So yeah :)

Science and math!

And math is just practicing.

But well, that's still studying.

I'm taking a break right now coz my eyes are burning and I don't know why.

I think it's coz I've been studying for 5 hours straight ):

Ugh, I hate exams.

Kay then.

Byeee!

Love♥
Zeal.



I like the way you make me feel special.