16. What is your biggest fear right now?

Well..., I have a few. All my fears are really personal, but I've made a resolution not to keep so many of my secrets to myself now anymore. So, here goes. Don't judge.

Firstly, only recently, I have been afraid. Of. Myself. Because, I don't know, it just feels like I don't really have any control over me anymore. I don't feel sad now, I just feel so fucking angry when I'm supposed to feel sad! I mean, when I watch shows or something, I feel sad. I cry. But that's coz I'm on my period. And whenever it comes to my parents, I keep picturing violence. Like, I just keep having these urges to throw something, anything, at the back of their heads. Hard. And I have to pierce myself with my nails or bite my lips real hard to keep it under control. It scares me, coz I don't know what's wrong with me. I get so angry over nothing much. And it's even when it comes to my friends, but I don't picture violence with them, I just feel annoyed. But I keep telling myself it's not me, there's no reason to feel angry, so I'm still able to keep it in check. There are some people, though, who calm me. So I guess it's kind of alright?

Another fear is that (and this may sound really stupid, but it scares me okay,) I could turn bulimic any time soon. Coz nowadays, I hate eating. I try not to eat. And every single time after I eat, I feel like throwing up. I just feel like I have to be rid of everything inside me. I just feel so full even if I barely ate. Then there was once I came so close to it, but I didn't, obviously. Because it's not me. It's not what I do and it's not who I am. So yeah. I just hope I can control it coz it feels like I'm losing control over a lot of things (call me dramatic if you want but it's true).

And the last fear (like for right now), is probably the stupidest one. It's so stupid I hate myself for being scared! I'm such an idiot. It's the fear of losing someone you never had. From that, I think you can guess. Idiot. I'm such an idiot.

Like I said, don't judge me. Or judge if you want, just keep it to yourself coz I don't need anyone's crap right now. And don't help me, don't try to help me. I don't wanna talk about this. I don't even know why I'm posting this. It's the first time I've ever said something so ... well, personal. I hope I don't regret posting this!

17. Your favorite childhood memory.

I don't think I really have a favourite childhood memory because I can't remember much. All I can remember are the times I've cried and all. But I do remember Christmas times. So I think my favourite childhood memories would be all the times I woke up in the morning, finding a present from "Santa Claus". Haha, I'd get so so happy, man. Sigh, I miss those times. :\

18. If you were going to have 10 kids, 5 girls, 5 boys, what would their names be? (first or full names)

I like this question! :)

Girls:

1. Ashlynn Sierra.
2. Kaelin Alexandria.
3. Rose Vierra.
4. Isadora Mae.
5. Evangeline Juliette.

Boys:

1. Draven Matthew.
2. Azriel.
3. Ryan Christopher.
4. Adrian Xavier.
5. Zachary Evans.

19. Have you ever ran away? If not, would you?

Nope, I never have. And I may. Maybe.

20. If you could have a world of your own, what would it be like? Who would be there? What would you do there?

What would it be like? It'd be the world I've created in my head. It's basically pretty much the same, except there is no hate, racism, sexism or anything like that. Everyone would support gay rights because love is love. Oh, and there would be no periods. And giving birth wouldn't need to hurt. And chocolate and junk food were healthy and no one would care if you were fat or skinny. Everyone would be there, I don't want anyone to get lonely. Except there would be no wars and enemies. We would all be able to accept one another for who we all are. And also, everyone would have a soul mate. Of course, there would still be a little bit of drama, coz if not what fun would there be in life right?

Love♥
Zeal.



You know my name, not my story. Don't for a second ever think that you know me.